Friends or Professionals?

July 17, 2012 in Company Culture, Connecting, Social Networking with 2 Comments

Yesterday I was having dinner with a few people, one of which was Chris Skaggs. He was getting to know my friend, cinematographer Sean Brown. We had just finished a full day shoot for a Kickstarter film. Chris asked me if Sean and I knew each other as professionals or friends? I asked if there was really a difference. Chris replied, “for you there isn’t. But that isn’t normal.”

I am still wondering why that is. Yes, I am one of those super connectors. Every personality I have taken indicates it. I constantly make new friends and connect others. I easily become friends with those I do business with. But why doesn’t everyone? Is it because most people want to keep a dividing wall between work and private life? Is it because they hate their jobs? Do they not want to have leaks between the two?

I have been there before. I understand that. But even in jobs that were not well fitted for me I felt a pull to become close friends with co-workers and clients. Part of it comes down to personality. But I do think there is something deeper going on here.

I think it is ultimately because we all make comfortable establishments against anxiety and change. We do this in all the sectors of our lives. In many ways these structures allow us to be different people in specific situations. It feels safe. Getting to know more people in a deeper way, many of them in our professional lives, destroys those barriers we have so carefully built. People challenge or disrupt comforts or assumptions we have made about ourselves and the world.

So what about you? If you were to survey your friends, professional colleagues, co-workers and clients, would they be the same people or completely different groups? Why or why not?

About Johnflurry: John is the director of communications for Soma Games and Code-Monkeys, a company culture addict, artist, writer, speaker, blogger and mobile app evangelist.

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  • Terri Nopp

    Quite a thought provoking article.  I find myself in the same situation a lot of the time, I meet somebody and if I like them, I establish an instant connection.  I work in the service industry so I have quite a few clients and I’ve always struggled with keeping it “professional.”  I tend to do the same with colleagues, my relationships tend to cross over and a lot of my close friends are ex colleagues.   And as such, we tend to travel in the same network circles, where our connections are always re-established. 

    I think at the end of the day it comes down to the person.  Out of my colleagues, I am usually the one who has the closest connections with the clients.  I am the person who is out there networking for new business because it is about going out and meeting people. 

    With that said, I understand what Chris is saying because not everybody is a super connector and even if they are, they might not have the human compassion and empathy like yourself.  I do that combination puts you and those like you in a unique field and so therefore finding that line to distinguish between personal and professional is almost impossible to do. 

    Terri

  • http://twitter.com/cryptopur Chris Skaggs

    John – I suspect you hit the nail on the head when you asked if most people draw those lines because they hate their jobs. Bingo.
    As a guy who freaking LOVES his job now, but HATED more than one of my previous jobs, I know this from personal experience.
    When I was a manager at a sporting goods store, selling shoes and shotguns every day, I had just about zero interest in making connections with my co-workers. They were all nice enough people but somehow the fact our point of first contact was distasteful to me had a way of souring the relationship’s future.
    I remember when one of the other managers threw a New Years party and invited all the people from the shop, who mostly all came. But all us were uncomfortable there. Like we didn’t know how to bridge that gap and talk about anything other than the job none of us liked.
    It’s like, I may get along with my cellmate, but I don;t invite him to dinner when we’re free.