The Unboxed You

October 19, 2010 in General, Marketing, Social Networking, Twitter with 15 Comments

Something I have always had a hard time with is how we all try to define someone. We all do it. We meet someone and we place them in a box, label it and then limit the ways we interact based on the presence or absence of shared beliefs and opinions.
Personally we learn throughout life to filter what we say because we have learned that we will be accepted or rejected based on who others think we are. You could say we learn to be accepted or get ahead in life by posing. Everyone does it to some degree.

What happens then when we can’t hide behind a facade? Enter the age of social media and online profiles. Yes you can be carefully scripted with your online content but I have noticed that as people become comfortable sharing online, they also relax some of those filters, especially if they are involved in a trusted tribe. You begin to see a more accurate picture of the person.
With the unfiltered content comes a better picture as well as a perspective of who others are. A friend of mine who ran for public office never thought it would be possible to be friends with his opponent. Then he got to know him online. They ended up having more in common than either had every expected.

Here is a funny story. A few weeks back a notice came up on my face book page showing a few things my friend Matt Singley had liked. Nothing unusual there, accept the contrast between the two things. The notice was that Matt liked Lady Gaga and Nick Vujicic. Anyone who knows about the two can agree that there really can’t be two more opposite celebrities. But that is a great example of how you just can’t box Matt in.

So how have you been unboxed online?

About Johnflurry: Director of Communications for Soma Games & Code-Monkeys. Huffington Post blogger. I'm also an expert advisor for the George Fox Seminary Semiotics & Future Studies program.

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  • http://www.mattsingley.com/leading mattsingley

    haha! Love it. Funny that I Liked the two on the same day, within just an hour of each other. It never even occurred to me how it would show up in other people’s news feeds. Now I know! :) nnGreat article, sir. It’s so true, social really does unbox so much. Good thoughts, thanks for sharing.

    • http://www.flurrycreations.com/theblog John Bergquist

      Thanks Matt. I had laughed so hard at the time but it really does show how we are dynamic. Politically speaking most of us would be all over the board if we were more honest. I remember a class back in college called Politics and the American Mind pointing this topic out. One theory why we are so willing to box others in is that the Puritans had a list of things that proved you had been converted to Christianity. If you could check off the list you were in. It also lead to whether people could originally vote in the colonies. Talk about fearing what your neighbor knew about you. Yikes!

  • Ryan Green

    Our society isn’t the only entity that creates boxes around the individual. I believe we spend a lot of time compartmentalizing ourselves. In one compartment we place our spiritual beliefs. In another, our work persona. In yet another, the person we are at home. In each social network we only reveal what we want that circle to know about us and hide our secrets.nnSuddenly it isn’t appropriate to share what makes us tick inside in certain circles for fear of being unprofessional or perceived as pushing our beliefs. And in some cases it allows us to be dishonest or immoral without anyone knowing.nnWhat I’ve started to believe is that we don’t have multiple lives we have one life thats fragmented and if Im able to live an integrated life in all social circles, then I can be trusted, I can show real love and share in peoples pain and they can share in mine. nnHere’s to living a transparent(ish) life! (I’m almost ready for it.)

    • http://www.flurrycreations.com/theblog John Bergquist

      So many good points here Ryan. I am not there fully either, although I try. I still think some things can’t be shared with everyone, nor does everyone want us to share every detail. Conversing within a tribe of trusted friends is different though. How that is seen or shared with the greater world is something each of has to navigate carefully. I find the more transparent I am online the more response I receive from others sharing in turn. I is almost as if people want to see someone willing to go first.

  • Gary

    There is, as always, the “other side of the story.” Sure, I eschew (that’s a Puritan word, right?) cookie cuter behavior and beliefs as I do mindless followers of even the good stuff, like serious Christianity. BUT, the Meirs-Briggs and the Enneagram and the dozen other personality identifiers (I prefer the Enneagram) do arrange some mighty handy “boxes” that makes living with and dealing with others so much easier. And enlightened. If I understand, then accept, my motivations, gifting, personality, etc., I can do both to my mate, my friends, and the obnoxious stranger who is not like me. So, I say, gimmie Blessed Boxes!

    • http://www.flurrycreations.com/theblog John Bergquist

      Those are great tools. The boxes I speak of are the ones that wrongly categorize us as well as others. To say one is of one group or another is often missing the more dynamic truth behind the whole person.

  • Randy Rhodes

    John, love your observations. I have learned more about even my own sons and daughter as Facebook unboxed some “likes” they hadn’t shared with me. nnI recently attended a recovery group with a friend and was reminded – deeply – that I know no one until I know their story.nn

    • http://www.flurrycreations.com/theblog John Bergquist

      Randy, @rhodes_r I did not even think of that from a parent (or spouse and family) point of view but it is so true. I have a huge part of my family on Facebook and it is such a great way to share our lives with each other. nOn your second observation, did you see @donmilleris post called Do You Have a Team of Good Life Editors?nhttp://donmilleris.com/2010/10/21/do-you-have-a-team-of-good-life-editors/nIn it talks about the idea of having those in your life who are story editors who make sure you are living a good story. I love that!

      • Randy Rhodes

        Great stuff – especially, “Donu2019t get into an editing relationship with a person who canu2019t see their own faults…” Wish I could have made the recent Story conference. I am not yet Unboxed…n

    • http://www.flurrycreations.com/theblog John Bergquist

      @randy_r We are hoping to attend the one in January. http://donmilleris.com/conference/ Check out Don’s video.

  • http://twitter.com/shalommama Nina Nelson

    I am constantly doing this to myself – trying to fit myself inside a box, when clearly I don’t fit into one. Nice article John.

    • http://www.flurrycreations.com/theblog John Bergquist

      So why do you think you try to though Nina? I am asking myself the same. It is getting harder to though.

      • http://twitter.com/shalommama Nina Nelson

        Maybe habit? Push from other people? As I get more and more “uncategorizable” (is that a word?) I feel like part of me is fighting to keep a label. Even though I really, really don’t want one.

      • http://twitter.com/shalommama Nina Nelson

        Maybe habit? Push from other people? As I get more and more “uncategorizable” (is that a word?) I feel like part of me is fighting to keep a label. Even though I really, really don’t want one.

  • http://www.facebook.com/SugarJones Cinthya Jones

    The one thing I have loved in my four years on Twitter and six blogging is that I’ve come to allow myself to BE myself because there really isn’t anyone else I was supposed to be being. 

    *huh?*

    Initially, it was hard watching people fall away, but then I met people that got me. Little by little, I didn’t have to filter as much. I still use some filters because if I were to ever say every thing I was thinking, I might be put under observation for 72 hours. 

    I can’t wait to be an old lady. Those gals get to say whatever they want!