Shut Up: stop talking and really listen

That is something my mother always taught us not to say.  It fits here though.  I find that the best listeners are quiet. To some people (I’ll admit I am one) they seem to not be interested in what we are saying.  We are accustomed to others interrupting us as well as diving in to the joint-pontification we all easily participate in.  Really though, they know when to shut up and listen.  If you watch they are often nodding or offering small interjections, showing us they are tracking with us.  Whether you are communicating in a marriage or friendship, the first key is putting a stop to both the flow of your own mouth as well as your mind.  Have you ever been caught not listening after someone has told you a story? I have, and it was usually due to the fact that I was either formulating my response or I was lost in the busyness of my thoughts.  Both of these quickly show we are not listening and usually form an opinion in the other persons mind.  It forms mis-trust and leads to walls in our communication.

In online communication it is important to stop and watch before you engage.  Read through a blog as well as the comments before commenting yourself.  Ask yourself (and this works in any form of communication) if your contribution will offer any value.  If not, then choose to wait or even move on to a more relevant conversation. You are a vital part of the conversation. You have great things to contribute.  Wait and listen first, shut up until you can’t stand it any longer.  Doing this allows us to get a clear picture. Once we shut up we can then move on to the next step. I’ll write about that next: Focus: interpretation and active acknowledgment. Of course this is a huge subject. As I post this series I want to hear your input and stories.

• Part 1: Shut Up: Stop talking and really listen